That one, right below the surface, that's simmering there waiting for something to push it up to a boil. That one that sizzles in the background, white noise in the world's ambience, and you can't shut it off no matter how many things you throw at it. The nervous tic that won't go away even though you haven't actively thought about it all day.
It's like you're walking down the street wearing your massive, head-swallowing headphones (preferably Beats by Dr. Dre) and you can't hear anything but the swell of a carefully (or not) crafted song, rising into your head like smoke filtering into your brain until it fills your consciousness and you can't escape (not that you'd want to) and it consumes you until in one instant - maybe a stumble over a curb, or a nudge from someone who SIMPLY CANNOT WALK BEHIND YOU ONE SECOND LONGER, or a catastrophic explosion that happens to catch your eye - everything snaps back to reality and you start to get that feeling again. Twitch.
It's like you're a series of tectonic plates, shifting around and trying to keep the magma at bay so that it doesn't erupt and ooze a molten goo all over your perfectly crafted Monday. You do a good job 98% of the time, but every once in a while your plates collide and you accidentally knock over buildings and wreak havoc and general mishap and mayhem and hullabaloo. That comparison is simultaneously topical, relevant, and completely uncalled for, but you can't help it because that's just how the story goes.
It's like when you're in a maze in a corn field and it's October. There's no frost, but you still feel a little bitten by the wind, but it's the good kind of bite, the kind that reminds you a whole year just went by. You know this maze can't be that big because IT'S MADE FOR KIDS GODDAMMIT WHERE'S THE EXIT but you still feel a bit lost anyway. You're going this way, and you're pretty sure that's the way out, because you started way back there and this thing can't go on forever can it but oh wait there's another turn and now we are facing a different way entirely and oh my god are we really lost and are you positive this isn't a dead end and you get that feeling again.
It's like how Atmosphere said it, it's the caffeine, the nicotine, but it's none of those things at all, is it. It's just that little somethin' right when you don't need it.
It's like you're talking all day but you can't get all the words to make sense. You know exactly what you mean but when you say it you are met with blank, empty stares that morph quickly - a little too quickly - into looks of sympathy for the poor fool who just doesn't get it. Here you are, with the entire English language and part of the Spanish one and a few random Greek and Latin and Elvish words at your disposal, and you can't find the right one to say and all of a sudden you are terrified that you might run out of words. You think all day about the best way to phrase it, the emphasis, the meaning behind it, the right word out of all the words in the history of word word word word but still nothing makes sense and you know they aren't going to listen and the background noise gets louder and someone turned the heat on in here and this isn't what I wanted to say and it sounded way better in my head and wait wait now I forget and through all of this I hope in the end it doesn't drive me
No comments:
Post a Comment